Choosing the man to marry, is to me, the most important decision a woman has to make in her life. It will affect all other aspects of your life directly or indirectly. If done right, you can have a great and fairly easy life. If you choose wrongly however, even the smallest tasks in life will be difficult and complicated.
A female in love sometimes can’t really think..or even see clearly. As a result, some obvious predictors of future troubles are often missed. The right questions are not asked. I like to think an interview of some sort should ideally be conducted if we lived -or loved- more rationally. The owner of a bar for e.g wouldn’t want to hire a business partner who believes drinking is a sin and discouraged customers from coming in. In the same way, you should know what plans, beliefs and practices you share with your prospective spouse. You don’t want to marry someone only to find out that they have beliefs totally different and opposite from yours.
Of course it’s good -amazing even- to have chemistry so thick it can be cut with a knife. It’s an incredibly awesome experience to have a partner with whom your bodies speak a language of their own and i am not trying to undermine that. Indulging these feelings however clouds judgement and this by itself might not get you through difficult times. You want someone who will be there for you when you need him to. A husband should encourage you, give you strength when you feel weak, cheer you up when you are down. His everyday choices and actions can make life easier or harder for you and your future children.
The list of things that are important vary from person to person. I think every single lady should have an actual or mental list of qualities they desire. Label them as negotiable or non-negotiable. That way you know the things that you can put up with and those you can not. For you, non-negotiable might be a strong financial footing (a.k.a money), for someone else it could be a strong sense of spirituality. You might on the other hand be willing to give an unemployed man a pass because you think you have a good job yourself..I am not here to judge..to each, her own.
It’s important to make this assessment before getting swept up in the tides of love. Assess compatibility first, then sit back and surrender to the blissful experience of falling in love. Make your list bearing in mind that you are imperfect yourself and therefore shouldn’t have unrealistic expectations.
Ask questions. Lots of questions. Share experiences. What did he think of that guy beating his wife up in the movie that just ended? If extramarital affairs are a deal breaker for you, then keep your eyes open to signs. What are his feelings about his married friends or acquaintances who cheat? If you want a man to cuddle and eat dinner with every evening, find out if he shares your ideas concerning family time or he believes 1 a.m is the earliest time to get home every night.
Unfortunately, you can never adequately assess and there will be surprises afterwards but maybe this can minimize the shocking ones.
I wish you all the best of luck as you make these life-altering choices.