I have seen and heard it..that fear of turning 30 and still being single. Surprisingly it cuts across cultures. Even in the western world, women hope they are married..or at least engaged by 30. However, what makes it worse in Nigeria is societal pressure. As a result, mothers are worried..scared even. Neighbours ask teasingly. ‘When is it happening?’. Mum’s friends and aunties too. Oh, and church and mosque members who are less brave punctuate their sentences with prayer requests to God when talking to her (as an indirect question).
There’s so much pressure to get married. All young girls hitting the mid-20s have seen it happen to an aunt..a cousin..and they don’t want it happening to them too.
While I don’t think it is wrong to want to get married, I hate that most Nigerian ladies just want to be Mrs. The emphasis is soo so far from being in love. Sometimes you can see tell tale signs of a cracked foundation and yet the lady goes on to get married because ‘time isn’t on her side’.
Now, some cracks are concealable and as a result, we see lovely photos on social media. Prophecies of endless love that give no indication of the aches within. The single and desperately searching friend gets more desperate and even gets apprehensive of attending weddings, church..or any social gatherings.
Marriage is a beautiful thing in a woman’s life if it’s a good one. On the other hand, there’s no worse thing than being in a bad marriage. It can be an endless paradise or nightmare. A husband isn’t a trophy to be won and dangled in front of ‘unlucky’ friends’ noses. A husband is a partner, a lover, a friend, a well wisher, a comforter and a rock. Every woman deserves that. Every woman should aspire to have that.
So, if today..right now, people are harassing you to get married and you haven’t met that man yet, then take your time. You are beautiful, kind, thoughtful, smart and creative. You will be an asset to your husband. He will be lucky to have you bring all these wonderful gifts and talents into his life. So don’t let anyone give you an ultimatum.
Keep your chin up and go be happy for others if you are invited. Yours will come too and it will be wonderful!